confessions of an angsty queen

ok. so i am back at my first company, doing what? i dunno. i have no position yet. i am standing in a very uneven and unsafe ground. my former boss refuses to talk to me. understandable. i haven't replied when she asked me to go back. evil person i know.

i just finished the job i came in for in the first place. so what's next for me?

i dunno.

hay. welcome 08.

i've been stucke here at my parents place, still wondering about what I am supposed to do once my unemployed status kicks in. don't get me wrong, i have options, and it's not like my future is that bleak... but then again, i find myself hating myself for being in this position in the first place.

hay. bahala na!

so far so good.

I haven't gotten around to crying yet, but at least he knows I'm happy. At least he knows that I am doing ok. At the end of the day, that's what matters.. I always advocated being true to one's emotions and one's self. But this time, I chose to do otherwise, maybe because I know that it's for the best. I mean, what he doesn't know won't hurt me right?

What am i doing? I'm reminiscing again, I'm trying to stop myself from crying again. God. If only I could have the courage to face him and tell him just how miserable I am feeling. How I wanted to disappear and tell him how hard it is to make our conversation as casual as he makes it sound like.

Part of me cringes at the sight of me right now. Part of me basks in the glory of the misery. I am a fool. I know that. I admit that. But hell, I can't help it.

so far so good.
...
yeah right.
it feels so strange when i woke up and finally know what i had to do.
...
but im totally scared.

seriously.

at the end of the day, just when i knew that the only thing that could solve my rpoblem is to be true to myself...

i decide not to.

bull shit.

im pretty sure that everyone's confused about my current status.

i am s-i-n-g-l-e. (see i spelled it out for ya?!)

it may not be obvious but yeah i am.

so dont believe what you hear from other people.

it's so sick.

i hate it.

darn.

sarap ng king kong sundae(?--> yun ba tawag dun?!haha) sa iceberg. yum yum. hahaha

sarap din makatawa at maenjoy ang buhay.

haha bangag ako.

weee!

still cannot believe that this is freaking happening.

ang sama sama ng feeling. kala ko pa naman...

well that was before. im moving on.

tapos na.

closed chapter of my book.

no more turning back.

you said you loved me but did you really?!

i'd rather?

haha you make me laugh so hard i wanna vomit.

have a good time. jan kayo magaling.

i hate you for making me feel like this.

in the meantime.

let me be.

ok?

just talked to that person and reconnected a bit.

never realy expected stuff like this to happen.

cant we go back to before? back to when things were a little bit different, and sane?

God. I feel so alone.

help.

New Year, New You. That's what they always say in ads, magazine and newspaper articles nowadays. Can't help but feel sick about it honestly.

What is it about resolutions anyways? And why is it that it's always done at the beginning of each year? Why not during a person's birthday or something? Oh well. It's a rhetorical question, and I am too tired to even argue.

God. It's the new year and I don't even have any idea what the rest of the year looks like. There are just too many changes last year, that I am honestly frightened about my prospects for this year. For starters, I am confused as hell about what I am going to do professionally... I have some options, but being unemployed makes me think about stuff that make me confused even more.

I always wanted to do some new things, but I never got around to starting them. I dunno. Maybe I'm scared, or sheesh, too lazy to start. I prefer to think that the former's true, but who am I kidding?

Anyways, if I get the chance (I mean courage), I'd do these:

1. Enroll in a dance class. I always liked to watch those dance movies, and I always have that fantasy about falling for that hot dance instructor (a la Dirty Dancing). Dream on, Kim.

2. Learn how to cook. Gosh.. I envy those people who have the courage to hold that whatchamacallit while there's like a war going on between the oil and the garlic and the pan itself. I am scared as hell about frying, what more cooking actual dishes? Sheesh.

3. Move out. It's the most extreme thing, and most idiotic for now, but I always fantasized about getting my own place, decorating, being independent... It's silly, coz I technically live away from home, but basically, it's not the same, coz I share the unit with my brother and my sister...

Oh well.

Here's to wishful thinking.

Happy New Year!